Post by ibex on May 2, 2009 10:59:05 GMT -5
As you all (out there in the privacy of the internet) know, my mom arrived in town to visit her darling son for a few days. Its always great to see mom, and on some level I always feel like its a little strange when I stop and think about how long it has been since time since I last saw her, like over a year. The strange thing is that with relationships like ours - you can sometimes with surprising/disturbing ease - step back into the same conversations, the same roles, the same anxieties in an instant. Like some incarnation of your previous interaction with that person just magically keeps re-appearing.
Mom made the point when she was planning this trip to come out to visit me, that she wanted to watch me go windsurfing and as a casual reader of some of my TR's, she wanted to see what it was all about. Given our Fri-Mon timeframe to work with, the good folks over at NOAA cautioned that if this was going to happen, it was going to be today or not at all, b/c the wind forecast was decent today but downright pitiful the rest of the weekend.
With 2pm being the peak wind (16 SW shifting to 12 W) We load up in the car and head for the N end of Seneca. I had to gently laugh to myself on the way, that the prediction a friend of mine had made "I bet you are going to have some great bonding time with your mom on the car ride up to Seneca" was true. We roll into the park and the wind is blowing 10 W and having brought my 7.5 and my longboard this time, I explain to her how rigging a sail works, about wetsuits/harnesses/etc, and before long I hit the water.
I am fully aware of the fact that "watching someone windsurf" (at least someone at my level, in 10mph of wind and no waves) is... well, boring, it still feels nice that my mom is making the effort to try to be present in my life this way. Making sure she has her book at the ready - I go out and try to at least sail sortof close to shore in the light breeze. A few runs later, i figure why not try helitacking again? Which if you have never done this with a cambered 7.5, it will become really obvious why you always see people doing it with uncambered 5.0 sails. Its feels like I am trying to balance an engine block on end, with the heavy sail feeling virtually uncontrollable in the rig flip.
The first few helitacks probably make mom think I am going to either drown in the lake or bludgeon myself with the mast, but finally I manage to keep the rig balanced and pull off a few. Getting overheated at this point, I lay in the water for a minute to cool off, lying on my back in the cool water I close my eyes and hear - or rather feel - the soft waves lapping at my neoprene hood as I close my eyes and absorb the warm sun on my face as I bob in the water. It is so peaceful and quiet, with nothing but sky above me, and the gentle nudging of my mast against my shin as my gear floats beside me.
After a moment to relax I head back over to check on mom and see where we are at time-wise. Walking through the thigh-deep water back to shore, i feel the wind pick up, and freeze in my tracks, turning around to size it up. I look out to deeper water and think "I'll just make a couple more runs.... then, go in to check in with her". The wind-gods dish out several nice planing runs and with about a total of 45 minutes of sailing done I hop out to see how mom is doing.
At this point I had planned on calling it quits for the day - I mean how boring do I really want to make this for her - but as we chat on shore, my harness, hood, and gloves already off I feel the wind pick up again. Hesitating - I look at the water, then back at mom, then guiltily back out at the water. The west wind is actually very smooth in this part of the lake, and instead of getting weaker (as per the forecast) its getting stronger and now feels like is 15mph. With a tremendous feeling of guilt I turn and ask my mom "how would you feel if I went out for 15 more minutes?"
I will never forget the look on her face, as she gives me this really warm smile, and tells me to go have fun. Its so clear to me in that instant all of the ways she has spent her life trying to make sure I have a path that is easier, less perilous, and more fulfilling than she had.
With a combination of immense love and guilt, at feeling like I was acting selfishly, I pick up my gear and again walk backwards to the water. The wind is starting to get really nice at this point, and my 7.5 powers my longboard onto several more planing reaches, the last of which was powerful enough to finally try to think about getting my feet in the straps. Finally, I know its time that I need to go, but not before one last second to cool off, quietly floating in the waist-deep water.
I think my mom miss-interpreted my fixed stare towards the water as I derig and pack my gear. "Looks like its going to rain, its a good thing you stopped when you did" she says. I say "actually, the wind is getting even stronger, its just getting to be really good" as I watch the wind approach the high teens and start to push up some nice whitecaps. The moment the words left my lips, I regret saying it, because I didn't want her to feel like she traveled all this way to see me, just so I could ignore her and go do something else. I quickly add that we should head out before the rain comes and go get dinner.
On the drive back to Ithaca I told her how much it meant to me that she wanted to at least see what windsurfing was like for me. For a long list of reasons, i have long felt that my family doesn't quite "get" me or what I do... professionally, intellectually, philosophically, recreationaly, or whatever. Not in a painful way, just in an unconnected way. The last year of my life has seen a lot of craziness, and it was nice to really feel "felt" for the first time, by a member of my family about what I was going through.
Knowing the hardship a friend of mine recently went through in losing her mother, I think its really great to have these 3 days - possibly the only 3 days I will see her this year - with mine. Its funny, when I put it in those terms, taking the time to add a few more details to this trip report doesn't feel quite as important anymore. I am going to sign off with that, its time to get some sleep. Not because I have anything I need to "do" tomorrow, I just need to be present in someone else's life.
Have a great night everyone!
Shawn
Mom made the point when she was planning this trip to come out to visit me, that she wanted to watch me go windsurfing and as a casual reader of some of my TR's, she wanted to see what it was all about. Given our Fri-Mon timeframe to work with, the good folks over at NOAA cautioned that if this was going to happen, it was going to be today or not at all, b/c the wind forecast was decent today but downright pitiful the rest of the weekend.
With 2pm being the peak wind (16 SW shifting to 12 W) We load up in the car and head for the N end of Seneca. I had to gently laugh to myself on the way, that the prediction a friend of mine had made "I bet you are going to have some great bonding time with your mom on the car ride up to Seneca" was true. We roll into the park and the wind is blowing 10 W and having brought my 7.5 and my longboard this time, I explain to her how rigging a sail works, about wetsuits/harnesses/etc, and before long I hit the water.
I am fully aware of the fact that "watching someone windsurf" (at least someone at my level, in 10mph of wind and no waves) is... well, boring, it still feels nice that my mom is making the effort to try to be present in my life this way. Making sure she has her book at the ready - I go out and try to at least sail sortof close to shore in the light breeze. A few runs later, i figure why not try helitacking again? Which if you have never done this with a cambered 7.5, it will become really obvious why you always see people doing it with uncambered 5.0 sails. Its feels like I am trying to balance an engine block on end, with the heavy sail feeling virtually uncontrollable in the rig flip.
The first few helitacks probably make mom think I am going to either drown in the lake or bludgeon myself with the mast, but finally I manage to keep the rig balanced and pull off a few. Getting overheated at this point, I lay in the water for a minute to cool off, lying on my back in the cool water I close my eyes and hear - or rather feel - the soft waves lapping at my neoprene hood as I close my eyes and absorb the warm sun on my face as I bob in the water. It is so peaceful and quiet, with nothing but sky above me, and the gentle nudging of my mast against my shin as my gear floats beside me.
After a moment to relax I head back over to check on mom and see where we are at time-wise. Walking through the thigh-deep water back to shore, i feel the wind pick up, and freeze in my tracks, turning around to size it up. I look out to deeper water and think "I'll just make a couple more runs.... then, go in to check in with her". The wind-gods dish out several nice planing runs and with about a total of 45 minutes of sailing done I hop out to see how mom is doing.
At this point I had planned on calling it quits for the day - I mean how boring do I really want to make this for her - but as we chat on shore, my harness, hood, and gloves already off I feel the wind pick up again. Hesitating - I look at the water, then back at mom, then guiltily back out at the water. The west wind is actually very smooth in this part of the lake, and instead of getting weaker (as per the forecast) its getting stronger and now feels like is 15mph. With a tremendous feeling of guilt I turn and ask my mom "how would you feel if I went out for 15 more minutes?"
I will never forget the look on her face, as she gives me this really warm smile, and tells me to go have fun. Its so clear to me in that instant all of the ways she has spent her life trying to make sure I have a path that is easier, less perilous, and more fulfilling than she had.
With a combination of immense love and guilt, at feeling like I was acting selfishly, I pick up my gear and again walk backwards to the water. The wind is starting to get really nice at this point, and my 7.5 powers my longboard onto several more planing reaches, the last of which was powerful enough to finally try to think about getting my feet in the straps. Finally, I know its time that I need to go, but not before one last second to cool off, quietly floating in the waist-deep water.
I think my mom miss-interpreted my fixed stare towards the water as I derig and pack my gear. "Looks like its going to rain, its a good thing you stopped when you did" she says. I say "actually, the wind is getting even stronger, its just getting to be really good" as I watch the wind approach the high teens and start to push up some nice whitecaps. The moment the words left my lips, I regret saying it, because I didn't want her to feel like she traveled all this way to see me, just so I could ignore her and go do something else. I quickly add that we should head out before the rain comes and go get dinner.
On the drive back to Ithaca I told her how much it meant to me that she wanted to at least see what windsurfing was like for me. For a long list of reasons, i have long felt that my family doesn't quite "get" me or what I do... professionally, intellectually, philosophically, recreationaly, or whatever. Not in a painful way, just in an unconnected way. The last year of my life has seen a lot of craziness, and it was nice to really feel "felt" for the first time, by a member of my family about what I was going through.
Knowing the hardship a friend of mine recently went through in losing her mother, I think its really great to have these 3 days - possibly the only 3 days I will see her this year - with mine. Its funny, when I put it in those terms, taking the time to add a few more details to this trip report doesn't feel quite as important anymore. I am going to sign off with that, its time to get some sleep. Not because I have anything I need to "do" tomorrow, I just need to be present in someone else's life.
Have a great night everyone!
Shawn
